Let me begin with a question: why is growing your own food often portrayed as a tranquil, fulfilling, wholesome activity… when in reality it usually involves mud, insects, mouldy leaves, and a rogue slug who’s eaten half your basil before breakfast?

Introducing the Spider Farmer SmartG12 Hydroponic Gardening System Kit. A long name for a simple truth: this is the closest you’re going to get to growing fresh, healthy herbs and vegetables without ever putting on wellies or waving angrily at the weather forecast.

Now, Spider Farmer, as you may know, is not some fly-by-night brand slapped on a bit of plastic. These are people who grow things for a living. People who’ve spent more time nurturing leaves than most of us spend on personal grooming. And with the SmartG12, they’ve outdone themselves.

• Smart Control with WIFI & App
• Free & Fast UK Delivery
• 36w High Performance LEDs
• 27.6 inches Adjustable Light Pole
• 6 Vegetable Modes
• Vacation Function
• Pay As You Grow in 3 Instalments with Klarna
• Super Easy To Use
  

The Spider Farmer Smart G12. The Garden That Grows Itself.

Let’s start with the basics. This thing comes with 12 growing pods, which is enough to start your own posh supermarket. Each pod is perfectly oxygenated thanks to a silent water pump. And I mean silent. It hums along at just 20 decibels, which is about the noise level of a bored cat sighing. You’ll barely know it’s there, even as it sustains an entire miniature ecosystem on your kitchen counter.

And speaking of counters, this kit is a complete setup. You get a 6-litre water tank (which, crucially, is removable for cleaning, so you don’t have to tip the whole thing sideways over the sink like some horticultural slapstick routine). It also features a 27.6-inch adjustable light pole - which sounds technical, but basically means your light rises as your plants do. No more bending lettuce or phototropically panicked parsley.

Smart Control With WIFI & App

But here’s where it really gets clever: the Spider Farmer app. Oh yes. This isn’t just a garden - it’s a connected garden. Via Wi-Fi, the SmartG12 links to your phone, allowing you to control the 36w full-spectrum LED grow light, monitor the water level, and even receive nutrient reminders. You could be on a beach in Mallorca and still adjusting the photosynthesis levels of your coriander at home. Madness. Beautiful, efficient madness.

There are six preset vegetable modes - herbs, lettuce, leafy greens, and so on. Just tap the app, pick the preset, and boom - your smart hydroponic overlord does the rest. If you fancy yourself a bit more green-fingered than average, there are five custom modes too, so you can fine-tune everything from light cycles to nutrient delivery. There’s even a Vacation Mode, because of course there is. Spider Farmer has literally designed a gardening system that works while you don't.

Five Times Faster Than Soil

And what’s the result? Well, it’s not just convenience. The SmartG12 grows plants up to five times faster than traditional soil methods and uses 90% less water. So not only are you getting rocket-speed rocket and hyper-efficient basil - you’re saving the planet while you’re at it.

Let’s recap. With the Spider Farmer SmartG12 Hydroponic Gardening System, you get: 12 pods, a silent pump, adjustable lighting, app control, vacation settings, a massive water tank, and faster-than-nature growth. All without mud, mess, or Keith the slug.

In short, this isn’t gardening. This is the future of food—tidy, precise, and utterly foolproof. And if you’ve ever killed a cactus (you know who you are), then this is the kit that will finally let you win at growing things.

Bravo, Spider Farmer. Bravo.